[year six]

Six years.

That’s hard to think about, because that means Janelle has been gone for almost 8 years. And that’s a lot of years. But this year, it’s different. It’s the year of my lasts, the year that you cannot spend with me on soil. It’s one of my toughest years, and it only seems to get worse as the years go by. I think of all the things you’d say in those memorable moments, and I choke up. Every time.

With you, there’s a lot of things I miss. I miss the aroma of your cigarettes, even though that’s what ended up killing you, I miss your voice, although it sounds so foreign to my ears. Most of all, I miss you being my Mom. But now, you’re my heavenly Mother, but I don’t want that.

I want your arms, I want to share your lipstick with you, I want to bug you with my music that Dad hates oh so much. I want you to listen to me play, listen to me sing. I know you’re listening to me always in Heaven, but that’s not good enough for me. I’m just selfish, and I want you back, I want you here. That’s just it.

But if there’s just at least one good thing that can come out of this post, it’s that I’ve been lucky enough to share your smile and to share your heart. I have a piece of you on the inside and the outside, and that’s all I need until I can meet you at the gates of Heaven. Thank you, thank you for 11 years of loving me on Earth, and for your ongoing love and support from above. I wish I could’ve had one last goodbye, and I’m sorry that I like MSU more than Michigan.

I’ll see you soon.

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Published by hayleyseibel

20. Central Michigan University. World changer. Jesus lover.

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