We happen to come across old pictures, old faces. We look into the present, and we see how much has changed since then. We sometimes ponder on how things happened the way we did, and sometimes we don’t even glance back at it.
I was trapped in a cloak of darkness. My eyes were blinded by earthly things, and I would’ve liked to believe that I was doing great. I found myself falling back into a state of depression, a state of loneliness and isolation from the world. Nights would get so bad that I’d make myself believe that my God was failing me. In the light, I was fine. Life seemed to be treating me well for the most part. But when darkness overcame the night, I was battling a war with myself, trying to survive.
I was stripped of my emotions, not only because anxiety took it away from me, but because I was trapped in another’s not-so-broken-brokeness. I was tired. I was weak. I had depended on a mortal just to believe in myself. I no longer felt that God was with me entirely. Rather he looked out for me from a distance.
Things happen, people come and go. It hurts, a lot. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel, and sometimes you need someone to help guide you along the way. Do I believe I’ve made it out of the tunnel? Not at all. But I’m pretty dang close. That’s the thing with God: there’s always the “But wait, there’s more!”.
But do I believe I’m better than before? Absolutely.
Its fascinating how God can fix someone so broken, so beat up, into something so beautiful. He has shown me a much greater and much stronger love, one that no boy could ever give me in my lifetime. And now, I feel free. I am free. By God’s grace, I am humble. I’ve seemed to love the things I used to love again. And not only that, but I can show more love to those around me, one step at a time.
I happen to come across old pictures, old faces. I look into the present, and I see how much has changed since then. I sometimes ponder on how things happened the way it did. But I am grateful for every tear I’ve shed, every sleepless night.
My life will never be the same, I am forever changed.